Not much humor in this one...it can be a little wierd... :)
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At 5:45 in the AM, Jason was his usual early morning grumpy self as he waddled into the dining room. Not seeing his coffee on the dining table, he turned his attention to his ancient and hapless butler who was definitely an antique. He barked at the butler and demanded to know where his coffee was. The butler dutifully brought a four day old daily paper to the table and creaked his way back to the kitchen. Jason sighed in frustration and yelled for the maid who corrected the situation promptly. The butler once again made his slow appearance, this time bringing an envelope to Jason. He dutifully placed the envelope, where he perceived the table to be. The envelope obeyed the laws of gravity and promptly fell to the floor. Jason shook his head at the retreating butler and retrieved the envelope from the floor.
At 5:45 AM Jennifer sat on her bed, sipping coffee and beaming at the cooing little baby lying before her. Jennifer placed the coffee on the side table and lovingly brought her nose to the baby’s belly and gently tickled her. After playing with the baby for a few minutes, Jennifer picked up the baby and proceeded to get themselves ready for their daily stroll.
Jason ripped open the envelope and his eyes lit up in sheer joy as a set of keys dropped out of the envelope. His brand new bright red 2007 Ferrari 599GTB had arrived. He picked up the keys, grabbed his cell phone and his other normal key bunch, and raced out the door towards his 12 car garage
Jennifer finished getting herself and the baby ready for the daily stroll. She then made sure that all her kitchen equipment was turned off, especially her gas stoves. She then secured the baby to the pumpkin seat and unfolding the stroller, attached the pumpkin seat onto the stroller. Upon ensuring all was safe and sound, she picked up her key bunch and walked out of her apartment, closing the door gently behind her and ensuring that it was shut and locked.
Admiring the gleaming red car for a few minutes, Jason opened the door and literally jumped into it, throwing his bunch of keys and cell phone onto the passenger seat, and fired up the engine and pressed down on accelerator. The roar of the engine was music to his ears as all 12 cylinders fired up the 612 horses in the car. He almost immediately pressed the shift paddle to 1st and screeched out of his garage. The butler’s miracle discovery of hoarded energy somewhere in his ancient body helped him move fast to get out of the way of the 612 horses that came charging out of the garage.
Jennifer walked down the sidewalk of the tree lined boulevard, breathing in the fresh air, watching the birds hop around, almost hearing their chirps. She looked down at the content baby staring back at her, and impulsively bent down to kiss the little nose. The baby twitched her nose and giggled.
Jason downshifted as he approached the boulevard, the car raising a roar of protest. He stopped at the stop sign and seeing no traffic on the boulevard, pressed down on the gas pedal and turned the steering sharply to the left. The car screeched onto the boulevard, turned left and roared away.
Jennifer was approaching the curve in the boulevard where she normally crossed it. To her, there was something comforting about the flashing amber light warning drivers of the potential
pedestrians.
Jason was now racing down the boulevard at a dizzying 110 miles per hour. He was impressed with the car’s overall composure and sturdiness as he roared down the deserted boulevard on this gorgeous Sunday early morning.
Jennifer reached the crosswalk and looked to the left before stepping out onto the road. As was her normal practice, she would step out on the road and gently ease the stroller down from the sidewalk. The bureaucrats who designed the crosswalk forgot about the necessity of a ramp there.
The Ferrari’s speedometer read 140, as he reluctantly downshifted to 4th to take the upcoming curve in the boulevard. The vibrations of the car pushed his bunch of keys to the edge of the passenger seat, out of the corner of his eyes he could see the keys almost falling. He had approached the curve and as his left hand turned the steering slightly to the left to take the curve, his other hand instinctively reached out to the falling keys. This reaching out also made him take his eyes off the road to glance at the location of the falling keys.
Jennifer once again looked to her left for any approaching traffic and not seeing any, stepped out onto the road. Standing on the road, she turned back to pull the stroller gently down from the sidewalk. She suddenly felt her keys slip and fall from her purse. Muttering under her breath, she bent down to pick up the keys, and fumbled a couple of times before grabbing hold of it.
The roaring red monster obediently followed the accidental over steering by Jason and crossed over to the other side, still taking the curve. Jason, his eyes taken off the road, had crossed one lane and was almost to the last lane. With his attention away from the road, he did not see the bent figure fast approaching the left side. Jason grabbed his keys and pushed it to the back of the seat.
Jennifer was in the middle of lane, bent and retrieving her keys, oblivious to the oncoming red fury. The errant Ferrari’s determined path towards the apex of over steering, fortunately, was a little further than where Jennifer was crouched. The Ferrari passed her by with perhaps a foot to spare. Upon crossing Jennifer’s straightening frame, Jason looked up and immediately steered the car back onto the appropriate side. His heart was hammering at the fear of what may have happened had he not corrected the errant monster. He was sure that he would have run over the sidewalk and crashed into the wall beyond.
Jennifer felt a dusty and strong breeze tug at her body, but was more concerned about retrieving the keys, which she did and clipped back on to her purse. She wheeled the stroller onto the road and straightened it and pushed it across the street. She glanced to the left and shook her head at the speed of the fast disappearing red shape. The expensive roar of the 612 horses never entered her deaf world.
Jason glanced at his rearview mirror scanning for any police presence, and noticed, without interest, a fast disappearing figure crossing the street pushing a stroller. He looked away from the mirror and sped away.
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