Story 0001 - Angelina Jolie Encounter

The rain was coming down hard. The dark clouds let go round after round of flatulence or thunder, accompanied by bolts of lightening. The wicked wind was blowing...well...wickedly. The jungle and the nasty weather had completely trapped us. To top it all off, Angelina Jolie (Anju in mallu talk) was stuck in a murky quicksand pit. She had sunk upto her waist in the murky sucking sand. Her shirt was slick with mud and clung to her shapely form making her look like a piece of art work. As a purveyor of art, I could not help but stare at the shapely form. She looked at me and was yelling at me to throw her something, so she could get out.

I looked down and did not see anything that I could throw to her. Then, as if by magic, buried in the dirt, I saw the ends of a tattered rope. I grabbed it with both hands and tugged hard, with a lurch something popped out of the earth sending me backward. I had dug up an almost decomposed body, of a person who was obviously hung. No, not hung like a porn star, rather hung by his or her neck. I shuddered and pulled some more, and a piece of the rope came away in my hands. The body thudded to the ground, and was quickly washed away in the torrential downpour.

Anju screamed at the sight and threatened me with grave bodily harm (in the lower extremities) if I threw her that rope. Seeing no other option, I looked down, grabbed the only thing I could think of. No, I did not grab what you think I grabbed (dirty minded people). I grabbed the traditional mallu attire, the Mundu, that I was wearing and yanked it off me. I forgot that I had a belt on it, and screamed is pain as the belt kinda bit into me as I tried pulling the Mundu off. With a little more effort, I got the danged piece of clothing off of me and ran to the edge of the quicksand pit. I threw the mundu out to Anju...who grasped the end of it. I tugged hard and kept tugging. Unlike the movies where such rescues happen effortlessly, I was sweating up a storm trying to get his lady out of the quicksand. The quality of the Mundu was so good that it did not tear or rip (made a mental note to buy more from Parthas). From the corner of my eye, I saw a shape slithering out into the sand. It was a monstorous python and it wanted a babe for dinner. No, not for dating the babe, rather for eating her (as food).

I did not let Anju know about this, but kept pulling her out. Finally with a loud grunt, She came ashore and with a loud sigh she flopped on her back and lay there breathing heavily. Hard as I tried, I could not resist looking at the heaving chest...just making sure that she was still breathing, and not for any other improper reasons.

She then looked at me and started laughing loudly. I was puzzled and wondering what she was laughing at. Then I realized that the rain and mud had soaked my underwear and made everything quite visible. I protested that it was the "Shrinkage" factor....but she rolled around laughing..... Damn these madhaama's. Rescue them and they insult you. I cupped my frontal area and ran...Tripped over a root and fell, and kind of lost consciousness.

I opened my eyes, I was in a strange place.....then realized it was my bedroom. I had fallen off the bed. There was no Anju, no quicksand. Just my angry spouse holding the mundu I had thrown at her, demanding to know who Anju was! Then She looked at what Anju had looked at and burst out laughing....sigh...it never failed to amuse her, that lasted for a moment, before the "Who is Anju" question came up.

Sigh.....The doghouse beckons me again...
As I dejectedly slink away to the doghouse...another story tickles my mind.......he he he.....more craziness coming up.....sooon.....keep checking back....BWAHAHAHAHHAHAH